July 17, 2011

Back to Him

One time, I happened to watch Pilipinas Got Talent Season 3. I saw the performance of the twins from Davao who sang a very touching song, After All by Peter Cetera. The song isn't new to me, it's kinda popular, I heard it often before from radios. I heard it many times but I didn't appreciate it because I didn't like the melody, it's too oldie to me. But when the twin brothers performed it, they have a different rendition so I came to take notice of the song and internalize the lyrics.

I love the lyrics. I even think that it could be used as a wedding song, you know, the part that says, “After all the stops and starts, we keep coming back to these two hearts.” Yesterday, while I ate my brunch I listened to the song over and over again. My most favorite part is,

Every memory repeats. Every step I take retreats. Every journey always brings me back to you.

I really love that part, my heart said that I can relate to it that's why I love it. Then my mind wondered, “How come! It doesn't remind me of someone from the past..” After contemplating, I arrived to a clear answer, it is something I want to say to GOD. If ever I'd be going to talk to God right now I'd say, “You know what God, every journey always brings me back to You.” My instinct tells me that after all, I need God in this journey. For the past days, maybe even weeks, my heart was in need of Him. I just didn't know where to go. I know some place but I made up my mind long before that I won't go back there because it's not my soil.

A lot of things happened yesterday, for one, the realization that I need God after all. I also went to Intramuros together with seven of my co-members in my sole organization in school, the UP GEOP, to conduct an outreach program to less fortunate children. We gave them food and slippers. I thought I'd be tired doing it but after the program, all I felt was happiness. I saw their big smiles receiving little stuff we prepared for them. It is really a beautiful feeling to make others happy. It was my first time doing that and I didn't know that it felt that way. I wanted to do it again. When I got back to my dorm, I even thought that when I get super rich or even just rich, I will not spend my birthday to have an extravagant party in my house and invite friends, family and neighbors. I will just spend the money to have my own outreach program to those needy children.

After the outreach, the six of us ate at McDo Philcoa. As we ate and talked, Who Am I by Casting Crowns was being played. Mark, Rolf and Mikka started singing along with it. And I just said, “That's Who I am or Who am I, right?” I was so stupid mentioning 'Who I am'. It was the result when you stopped listening to the song couple of years already. Later, when Rolf and I were in UP, he invited me to attend Sunday Service in his church. I guess, since he got the hint that I am or was a Christian because of the Who I am incident, he took the chance to invite me. At first, I was hesitant but I remembered that I've been longing for God, I just don't know where to go. Maybe his church is the place that I've been looking for, so I said I can come.

I was there earlier and I was blessed. I guess that's the place that I should be planted. I really wanted to be with God. I'm sick of being bitter, critical, cynical and thinking that I can do just right in this life  all by myself. One of my inherent attitudes is that I'm fickle. I could be swayed by just a little trial or a tiny discouragement. I pray for my faith to be never ceasing so that I can stand on my ground, so that I could go all the way to the decision I just made today.

Don't just follow your heart, man, because your heart could be deceived. But you've got to lead your heart. -Fireproof

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