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July 05, 2011

just saying


I just saw my former crush earlier as I was walking at the AS parking lot going to the engineering building. He saw me, I saw him and deadma. We both turned away and I was relieved by that. It is okay for me that we ignore each other than say 'Hi' as if we're friends where in fact, we were just groupmates almost two years ago. We became classmates and groupmates in GE 10, the very first major subject I took. He is a civil engineering student and they are required to take the said subject (which is about surveying). We were not groupmates by choice, our instructor was the one who picked the members per group. Sir Ark (I love Sir Ark, he is one of the kindest instructors I ever have) chose me as the leader of my group since I was the only Geodetic Eng'g major, then he was the assistant leader. 

Why did I like Him? Well, seeing him for the first time, my nerves did not send me a message to my brain that I like him. Yeah, it was not because I was transfixed by his looks, he's not really that cute. I started liking him when I heard him spoke. Goodness! What a sexy and confident voice he has. He can be a disc jockey, that's how alluring his voice is. Plus, I admired him for his discipline when he told the class (it was getting-to-know-your-classmate time) that he lost 20 pounds and was definitely chubby before. Then I also found out that he is a rich kid. Admit it girls, when a guy is rich we give them plus and plus pogi points. I eventually saw him in a different light. I realized that he was cute with chinky eyes, fair skin and beautiful smile. So I officially liked him, categorizing him as a crush.

He broke my heart afterwards without him knowing (emo!). I simply saw him walking hand in hand with a girl. What was more hurting was the girl was soooo pretty. My heart was crushed and I got back to my dorm with my self-esteem almost gone. I woke up to reality again(!!) that he will always be just a crush, a star I could not possibly reach. (Bwahaha..emo!)

I didn't know which one happened first: knowing that he has a girlfriend or stalking him via Internet. Ehem, indeed, I stalked him on the Internet. You know, just googling his name and searching him on Facebook. I didn't find his fb account but I discovered that he has a blog. I read almost everything that he posted from 2007, (I think) when he was just a high school student in Ateneo, to present. I also saw his chubby self, he really did lose a lot of weight. I learned so many things about him without him talking about them to me personally. (hehe, Thank you blog!) I have known that he is an E-heads fan; his father bought him an Apple laptop when he passed UPCAT; he had a girlfriend from UST when he was in high school; he is the eldest child; his mother convinced him to take Civil Eng'g to follow his father's foot steps and lastly, he was very vocal of being malibog (lewd). 

Our last requirement in GE 10 was to draw a survey plan. It should be done by pair and he chose me as his partner. I felt awkward meeting and conversing with him during those times that we have to finish our requirement because I might spill something about him that he didn't say before. I might slipped and say, "Yeah, 'coz you're from Ateneo". He would say, "Hell yes, how did you know that? I didn't tell you that before." And with shock on my face, I will confess to him that I'm reading his blog. Then he would ask me how did I find his blog. I would tell him truthfully that I googled him. With curiosity, he would ask why. And because being curious about him is such a lame answer, I'd say, "I like you and I wanted to know more about you." Waah! Such a shameful thing if that incident did happen. Good thing I am a person of few words and is never tactless.

Why did I suddenly talk about him anyway? Because he was the culprit why I blog again, in a way, he inspired me. If you didn't know, I had a blog before this and I deleted it. I wiped it out of the blogosphere because it won't do me any good. But when I read his blog, my hunger for blogging re-existed. He influenced me and it's something I wouldn't deny.

I had fun crushing on him although it was a one-sided infatuation. Don't worry friends, I moved on long ago. :))

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