February 04, 2012

this hurt

Lying on my bed after a day of exhausting fieldwork for my major subject, I found myself  crying. I am hurt this week, emotionally, and the tears can't hold back anymore after several days. Minor depressing stuff just happened this week. And I am hurt to bits.

Looking back to the past few days, I commend myself for looking happy to everybody. I was quite good of wearing a happy mask. After all, depression just sinks in when I'm alone. When I'm able to remember those things that could kill a beating heart for a moment.

I am not comfortable of sharing it to the close people around me anymore. I just don't want them to be bothered by small stuff.

It's easy to advise friends to get over with harsh words given to them. But when it happens to me, it's when I realize that it's as hard as forgetting how to breathe. I could pretend that I'm not affected. I could say a lot of, "It's Okay". But at the end of the day I know it already killed me. This is one of the times that I wish I was numb. One of the moments that I wish I were a cyborg, though it's pathetic to feel no happiness, at least they're spared of feeling hurt.

But everybody hurts sometimes. Nobody, I think, is exempted to this feeling. So I really don't feel sorry about myself, I'm just like anybody else. Maybe we just differ from the things that could bleed our heart but the bottomline is, no one is spared of getting hurt.

This first week of February is really not my week. I am still thankful though. Thank God, my stomachache was already gone. Thank God, you make me safe all the time. Thank God, I still keep on fighting. Thank God, I'm going to Pundaquit, Zambales for a fieldtrip with Rona next week.hehehe (excited). Thank God for my kind relatives, they are my angels. Thank God for my friends, they are responsible why I'm still sane. Thank God for my family, who is always, ALWAYS there for me.

I am a blessed kid even though I'm hurt.

When your day is long
And the night
The night is yours alone
When you're sure you've had enough of this life
Well hang on

Don't let yourself go
Cause everybody cries
And everybody hurts

Sometimes everything is wrong
Now it's time to sing along
(When your day is night alone)
Hold on, hold on
(If you feel like letting go)
Hold on
If you think you've had too much of this life
Well hang on

Cause everybody hurts
Take comfort in your friends
Everybody hurts

Don't throw your hand
Oh, no
Don't throw your hand
When you feel like you're alone
No, no, no, you're not alone

If you're on your own
In this life
The days and nights are long
When you think you've had too much
Of this life
To hang on

Well, everybody hurts
Sometimes, everybody cries
And everybody hurts

And everybody hurts

So, hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on
(Everybody hurts
You are not alone)

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