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August 16, 2012

hateful

I so want to leave this place. I'm choking here. I'm being told to do what I don't want  to do. But I still oblige for the sake of that beautiful future that they said. I want to end this, desperately aching to finish this. But what am I doing? I've been procrastinating. I've been prioritizing the things that could delay me again. Gaaad, why is it so hard to be me? I wish I were born a bit more intelligent and a lot more hard working. Being me is just depressing.

I miss my family. It has been more than a year since the last time I saw them. I so miss them that I think I'm losing the strength that I have earned which comes from them. Why do I have to be so far from them? I wish I studied near home. Things would have been better, so much better. Yeah, like I would have graduated already! This is what I got for dreaming big. For believing that I can do more. I wish I were realistic before. But fuck, I was taught to be an idealist.

I am not happy right now. And the main reason of this unhappiness is my frustration of being myself. Yeah, I hate myself so much.

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