because a blog is not enough

Some people make their blogs as some kind of a diary. Actually, I used to be one of them. My very first blog which was on Friendster was all about my woes (ka-dramahan sa buhay!), my whinings and just anything relating to my insignificant life. I was aware that everybody can access to it but it did not occur to me that they'll be reading it. I mean, I don't think I'm worth reading for. One time, I blogged something about my classmate whom I was crushing. I remember that it was a long entry then my teacher commented to it. I was like, "why the hell is he reading it?". I posted those stuff on my blog not meant to be read by other people, I blogged there simply because I wanted to pour out what's bothering within me. The realization that there were individuals who wasted their time to read my blog, no matter how nonsense I might be writing made me conclude that there will never be a privacy on that place (also on this place). I directly deleted that blog for I felt ashamed of the things I said and blurted out. They were just too private. Obviously, I did not stop there. I switched to blogspot where no email confirmations sent to my friends' mail telling that 'Jellian has just posted something on her blog' (hahaha.. that's what Friendster does.) I feel uncomfortable knowing that a friend (unless you are my close friend) or an acquaitance is reading this site. So this place of mine is something I do not share to them (well, with some exceptions. :) ). Still, I will never get any privacy. I am constrained and limited to what I would be sharing to the world. This can't be a diary. I can't really be transparent here because there are many things which should be just mine to keep. In this case, I also have a journal slash diary because a blog is not enough.

I put in there the elements that I am not confident to share to other people. I write names, enumerate goals, complain about my life and some irritating Homo sapiens, list big dreams and crack emo stuff. I need to express myself and writing is my avenue to do it since I'm not an extrovert. Sharing everything here is an unwise act. Telling the blogosphere the name of your classmate who happens to be your crush is such a stupid thing. As long as there are matters that I need to write which are only mine to know, there will always be my diary around. And I do make sure that no one will ever read any pages of it. :)