behind all these things

Behind this smile,
Behind this laugh,
Behind this strength,
Behind this confidence,
Behind this coolness,
Behind these jokes,
Behind these criticisms,
And
Behind my mask,

Is a heart that fears,
               that worries,
               that quivers,
               that breaks,
               that begs, "Please, look beyond my mistakes."
Is a heart that hides its downfall.

How many times have I come back to this place?
How many times have I said 'sorry'?
This word has already lost its crisp.
It has become bland.
You might not take it,
But I'm giving you my "sorry".
For the nth time, "I'm sorry"

Behind my recurring mistakes,
Is a heart desperate for change.

Can you not stop believing in me?